How the hell do apostrophes work?
You've seen it. The rogue apostrophe that turns "its" into a mutant contraction. The missing apostrophe that leaves possessives naked and afraid. And let's not forget the serial apostrophe abuser who thinks any word ending in 's' needs one, just for funsies.
It's time to take a stand, brandish our red pens, and wage war on improper apostrophe use. Who's with me? (See what I did there? That's a correct apostrophe, folks. Frame it.)
The Usual Suspects
Let's start with the classics:
Its vs. It's: "Its" is possessive. "It's" means "it is" or "it has". If you can replace it with "it is" and the sentence still makes sense, use the apostrophe. If not, leave it out.
Your vs. You're: "Your" is possessive. "You're" means "you are". If you can't replace it with "you are", don't use the apostrophe. Your welcome. (Just kidding, it's "you're welcome". See how annoying that is?)
They're, Their, There: "They're" means "they are". "Their" is possessive. "There" indicates location. Get it right, or prepare for the collective eye-roll of every English teacher ever. And me.
Straight to Apostrophe Jail
Here are some of the truly horrifying apostrophe crimes I've witnessed this week:
"Fresh Apple's and Orange's": Unless those apples and oranges possess something, leave the apostrophe out. They're plural, not possessive.
"1990's": The decade doesn't own anything. It's just plural. "1990s" will do just fine, thanks.
"Ladie's Night": This one in haunting me. Is there only one lady at this party? No? Then it's "Ladies' Night". The apostrophe goes after the 's' for plural possessives.
"DVD's, CD's, TV's": Stop it. Just stop. These are acronyms, not possessives. No apostrophe needed.
Umm Actually… ☝️
Strap in, this is where it gets spicy. Some grammar purists insist on using apostrophes for plurals of single letters or numbers. They'd write "Mind your p's and q's" or "She got all A's on her report card".
But let's be real. In most modern style guides, this rule is as outdated as a flip phone. It's cleaner and less confusing to write "ps and qs" and "As". Fight me.
Go Forth, Punctuate with Purpose
We have the power to shape language, to influence communication, to make the world a better place, one correctly placed apostrophe at a time. Your clients, your readers, and the ghost of grammar past will thank you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go correct some menus. Those poor, misplaced apostrophes aren't going to fix themselves.
