I’m SOOO tired of being authentic

I think we've become so obsessed with making brands sound human that we've forgotten how actual humans talk. Real people don't wake up in the morning craving an "authentic experience" with their toothpaste. They just want clean teeth and breath that doesn't smell like last night's garlic bread.

Remember when Nike just said "Just Do It" and called it a day? Now we'd need a 47-page brand bible explaining how "Just Do It" represents the interconnected journey of self-discovery through the lens of post-modern athletic achievement… or some equally pretentious nonsense.

The best copywriting isn't about finding new ways to say "authentic." It's about being clear, interesting, and occasionally funny (when appropriate—please don't make funeral homes funny). It's about writing something that makes people think "huh, that makes sense" rather than "wow, this brand really understands my soul's deepest yearnings for premium sock subscription services.”

My solution is to bury it all. Take all the branding buzzwords and put them in a time capsule. "Authentic," "disruptive," "revolutionary," "game-changing," and especially "bespoke" (unless you're actually a 19th-century tailor). Let them rest for a few decades until they actually mean something again.

Let’s just try telling the truth, simply and clearly. Your product isn't changing the world—it's making people's lives a bit better in a specific way. That's fine! That's actually good! Not everything needs to be a movement or a revolution or a lifestyle brand.

If I sound bitter, I'm not. I love what I do. But sometimes love means calling out the ridiculous parts of your profession. And right now, branding could use a good reality check.

So the next time you're tempted to write about how your client's new app is "revolutionising the way people think about left-handed bottle openers," take a deep breath. Step away from the keyboard. Ask yourself: Would anyone actually say this in real life? If the answer is no, start over.

Because here's the ultimate irony: The most authentic thing you can do is stop trying so hard to be authentic.